Dreams Suck...
I don't know about you, but they are so real to me that I hate the bad ones when I'm in them, and I hate the good ones when I wake up. Last night, I was transported back to the bad old days. My mother once took in a foster child of a woman she worked with. The woman had three boys custodially which she couldn't handle, so 'they' placed the youngest one with us. Um, we lived in a two bedroom apartment low-income co-op. It wasn't as if we were a better choice.
Long story short; the boy had schizophrenia. This was discovered after he hit puberty. Like mutant powers. I had more empathy for him when his illness hit, but up until then, and we're talking years and years of my life, I hated this boy. With vile passion.
So guess what I dreamed of last night? It was as if the last twenty years of my life never occurred. But it did do one thing--it reminded me very keenly of why I hated my childhood. I felt trapped for many parts of it. No control of where I lived, who my parent(s) were, and who I had to live with. I hated how trapped I felt. It was unbearable and I spent many days plotting my escape.
New York City was my prime target. My tricky, genius, independently functioning brain brought that out last night. The reason why I've been compelled to move here is because it was my Promised Land.
Know what? It still is.

Meanwhile, "Friends" last night stunk. Monica's whole shrill control-freak act was abysmal to watch, especially when the happiness of my favorite Phoebe was at stake. And, although we the viewer knew the wedding was coming, it seemed rushed and contrived. Plus the insipid preview commercial, shown everyday and RIGHT BEFORE the show came on, gave away two great elements of the story--that it'd be held in the street and that Joey would be the person to marry them. Booo hisss. At least this makes them going off the air a little more tolerable.

So, here's a little treat for those of you into the holiday. I honestly do love this song, even though it doesn't apply to my life.

Should I touch on that topic? Love and stuff?
Nah. Let melet it be, out of respect for those who are truly happy. God bless ya's.

Me at 2/13/2004 08:54:00 AM

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