Plan B

Friday I go into court for my third eviction trial. This is because the new landlords apparently have to get a new eviction order against me, else they could have used what's already at the sheriff's office to padlock me out.

As you know, I took all my books off the shelves. I have not put them back. I am getting myself used to the idea that I'm moving.

My New Jersey option is open again, according to the latest contact with my friend. He is getting work done on the house, so there's a waiting period, but when the coast is clear, he said I'm welcome to move in and use the time to make whatever money I can and get financially stable. There isn't anyone who thinks this is a bad idea, including myself. Unless the new judge is some sort of relative of mine with no morals, I will most likely lose any requests I may think to make and will this time be evicted. I could not pay July's rent, thanks to my naivete and the job's slipshod way of handling my payments. I was wrong to think that what they said I'd get would actually happen. I underestimated the strength of at-risk teenagers to avoid getting help when they don't really want it.

So this week I've been back at Starbucks and loving it. I learned three of the oldtimers there are moving on, so I'd be able to entertain the thought of becoming a Shift Supervisor. That'd jack my hours up to guaranteed 30-35 per week, plus a raise. From that I could go into managing a store, which is not a bad little salary, and from that I could parlay into district manager or something. I'd need not ever go back to the therapist's chair, except to be a client.

Last week, however, in the New Jersey practice to which I reach by public transportation, I had 5 clients in a row. Four of them were new to me. All four said they wish to return, and one who missed last week will come this week. So that makes six in one night. This is due to becoming an insurance provider as I'd detailed.

I've also learned that the Social Work laws and laws concerning mental health counseling are changing for the state of New York as of Jan 1, 2006. Any unlicensed counselor practicing in New York will be doing so illegally as of the new year. Even Social Workers will have to obtain these licenses to do counseling. Those LCSWs who already enjoy a successful practice will get their licenses, I'm sure. But those who do not get them, and the others with no real qualifications to do so, will be replaced by the likes of myself, who have the licenses. Employers will all have to make these requirements of their unlicensed practitioners, and open up their job markets to such as myself to make up for whatever possible gaps are left.

That's all good news for my future. Not my present, but my future. If my license arrived in the mail tomorrow, it'd still take some time for me to get set up as I've done in New Jersey's practice. I might as well do it living for free with my friend in NJ. I'll have no car, but I'll just have to get a bicycle. And the same public trans that gets me to the office from here will get me back to NYC when I need it. If I keep my NYC Starbucks job, and live with my friend in NJ, I should be getting all the exposure I need to feel connected and save money besides. Especially if I do go into management.

Now, of course, I could drop Starbucks altogether and concentrate on working as much as I can in the NJ private practice. Instead of one day a week, I can do two or three days. That, at least, was my NJ Friend's suggestion. In fact, he couldn't understand why I WOULDN'T do it. He had me on the spot. I had to answer him honestly.

The reality is, and I've said this here, thankfully (so I know I do mean this) I'm not emotionally stable enough to believe I'm that good of a therapist. I may be that good. Evidence is weighing in to help me believe that I am a good therapist, what with all these returning clients (even a long-departed couple called tonite to request a return visit!). But again, it is a stressful job and I'm going through all this crap right now, having to throw away 7/8s of all my worldly possessions, etc., so if I'm going to take on 15-18 clients or MORE, I got to have my stuff TITE. I can't be slopping up to the office, half-stepping. Above all, I want to be responsible to these people who are coming to me for help. I want to be well-read and confident in manner, technique, and personal issues. Truth be told, I want to be perfect. Since I can't be that, I want to at least feel competent.

Else I'd rather work at Starbucks 4ever. At Starbucks I get instant gratification. I know what I'm doing behind that counter so I have the confidence I want. Every 'Thank You' from a customer and smile when they drink the yummy is a much-needed pat on my back. Instant job-satisfaction. And that's okay, right?

More than okay.

But here's the other thing--at the end of my therapist's night last week, after my fifth client walked out the door, and they all had plans to return because they felt that I was helping them---

ohhhh

THAT was job satisfaction.

A fella could get USED to that, ma honies. And if it starts to pay the kind of money I was expecting at the start of this madcap jaunt to New York?

OOHHHHhhh

Won't that be fine?

It WOULD be very fine.

The best I can do is move to New Jersey for now, live rent-free. Put up with this guy's crazy family when they visit, and him when he's drunk. Rent free means more money to spend on distractions---oops, I mean to pay all the wonderful people back who have tried to help me thus far--who have believed in every plan I have made and believed in me.
Yeah. This is the right thing to do. It is.


It is.


It is.


Even if the judge has an anyeurism on Friday and they delay my eviction another month, I need to go to Jersey get out from under the financial thumb. I need to survive better than I'm doing right now.

And who knows? By the time I'm 45, I might actually BE somebody.

Me at 7/21/2005 12:21:00 AM

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