Now That I'm Forty...


Born in New York and now going to die in New York. Someday.

About Me:
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Now That I'm Forty...

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Saturday, March 20, 2004

Pro Bono, For Julia

Hey you were right about how similiar we are, back when you first commented on my blog. But what are we supposed to do about it? It's true that we will never ever fully know That Someone. But maybe that's fair because we're not going to tell them every single thing about us either, are we? We're afraid of them rejecting us the same way they are afraid of us rejecting them. So we all keep our secrets and hope things work out.

Here's what I think these days--we have to stop considering ourselves above pain. Heartbreak is part of the human experience. It has spawned some of the best songs, art, and literature the world has ever known. It has and will happen to all of us at some time or another, in some form or fashion. And what makes me so worthy of a pain-free life? What pinnacle of retroactive perfection have * I * reached lately? I've done my dirt, I've broken some hearts, I've been selfish, irresponsible, callous, hateful, and did I say selfish?

It's about accepting the risk instead of living without it. It's what you guys tell me all the time, or at least, what I feel from your comments, which I need to hear. If I don't try, I'll never know. (Shoot, even Alicia Keys said this in a VH1 interview and look at how far she's gone in her little 23 years on Earth.) I'm doing myself a disservice and remember, I'm selfish, so I don't want to be cheated, much less by MY OWN SELF.

And lastly (for now) I've learned something else, suddenly. A broken heart has never killed me. I've been so so so scared of it, but to my recollection, once I got hit, I was still able to walk away from the wreck. (And I've been in some doozies. No one can break a heart quite as expertly as one's mother can.)

It's O
KAY
to take a chance and fail.

I've done it before, and yet here I sit, still a tenant in the greatest city in the world, with my right mind (so far), with working parts and an earning potential in the field of my choice.

I'ma BE alright.

And so will you!

(Dang, it's soooo odd how I can apply stuff to someone else's life and have it be SO relevent to myself, yet never see that until it's come out of my fingertips or mouth.)

Me at 3/20/2004 10:12:00 AM

I Have A Question For You...
...why do the programmers of invasive advertising software, particularly the browser hijackers which change your homepage into some generic searchpage think that this is a great advertising idea? Do they not know that with every second I spend trying to correct my homepage and in running Ad-aware and Spybot, I am hating them more and more? That I am praying for one of this mega-virus creators will get useful and target these spammers' servers with the worse computer plague every done? That I literally wish for these spammers' lives to meet with natural disaster the volume of Vesuvius?

What hydroencephalic snot-monkey in these dingey basement crevasses came up with this idea? Whoever you are, I hate you.

Me at 3/20/2004 09:40:00 AM