Now That I'm Forty...

Now That I'm Forty...

Born in New York and now going to die in New York. Someday.

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Now That I'm Forty...

Saturday, April 03, 2004

I'm Getting Married In The Morning...
Ding Dong The Bells Are Gonna Chime...
...and it wrecked my whole night's sleep. It seems I started dreaming it the moment I hit the pillow, and it didn't stop until I opened my eyes this morning. And the whole of it was filled with the impending knowledge that in the morning, when I report for church, I will be getting married. The identity of the bride is fuzzy now in retrospect, but that wasn't even the issue. The fact was that it was happening to me. I was getting drawn into the contract that would morally, legally, and spiritually bind me to a woman. It felt like I was in a holding cell waiting for my court date where I would be sentenced.

However, somewhere along the line, there was this change of plans, and in a sitcom-like switch, my Church Love was to subsitute the bride-to-be. Yeah, this is the one who later married the organist. And yet even that didn't improve the tone of the dream.

So in waking now, I feel like I know what I need. I need the woman who is below the radar. The one who has her moments, but is limited by her shyness. Whatever her issues are, they turned her quiet and introspective. Demonstration, castigation, manipulation--to her these are manuevers for other girls. She'd rather suffer in silence. I could never, ever hurt a woman like this. I couldn't ever leave such a one. I would tenderly cherish her, guard her with my body, slay all her dragons. I would enthrone her as the empress of my universe. I would be her paladin. I would cradle her body into mine. I would openly weep at the altar while reciting my vows to her.

Our kiss would be chaste.

Now to actively search for her. Such a one is going to be like buried treasure to find, and all the more valuable for the effort.

Me at 4/03/2004 08:54:00 AM