Now That I'm Forty...


Born in New York and now going to die in New York. Someday.

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Now That I'm Forty...

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Sunday, April 10, 2005

Here's Something...

I submitted a resume to my former place of employment when I lived in Trenton. It's for a position in Perth Amboy which is equivalent to what I did in Trenton. And I have four young people slated for me to contact their homes and schedule meeting times with them for "therapy".

Oh, hello there my old friend Anxiety! I see you've brought your buddy Procrastination!

Why did I say I was going to do this again? Oh that's right. I had to grow up. Make adult choices. And I have to make more money because I'm under the threat of eviction (Court date in a few days).

I do, in fact, have an appointment today with one of those four young folks, so I'm not a complete do-nothing. But that dreaded disease of Major ScrewUpitis has got me putting off making schedules with the other three. I do want to know whether or not I'm going to get hired by my older company before I can make the other schedules. I have to option of trying to see more than one kid on a Sunday, and so that would help me even if I get the job in Perth Amboy, but frankly, I'm too nervous about seeing these kids again. Just with this one kid, it's been non-stop nerves all morning. Actually, it's been nerves since I made the appointment. On Friday morning, I had
1) Friday night with friends and
2) Saturday morning with my Soon-To-Be-Doctor friend to go see "Sin City"
3) A short shift Saturday night at Starbucks
to look forward to, and all I could do was think ahead with a belly full of anxiety to Sunday afternoon.

This is the kind of feeling that made me glad to consider changing professions. It led me to reduce my cases to zero in the first place, and thus get into financial hock. On one hand I think I'm trying to remain a child, and on the other I feel like I'm trying to preserve my sanity.

How strange is it that I have to compromise my sanity in order to make enough money to live? But I'd also have to compromise my sanity in order to be homeless, so there you have it.

Now I know why people drink.

Anybody out there totally happy in their profession, with no gut-wrenching anxiety, who makes enough money to live comfortably? Anybody at all?

But This is what I have to do.

I'm going to play City of Heroes for a little while and take this edge off.

I think I'll come back and tell you how the today's case went.

Me at 4/10/2005 11:20:00 AM