Now That I'm Forty...


Born in New York and now going to die in New York. Someday.

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Now That I'm Forty...

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Tuesday, July 13, 2004

And A Month Later...

I find I have time to blog again.

First, let's put the blame where it belongs.

Second, the panicky yuck happens mostly on Sunday nights now.

Third, thank you Imo. It's good to know that we're not alone.

Fourth, no, I'm not getting any on the reg, so my scarcity has no excuse.

Fifth, what is wrong with Kanye West's gums?? Am I the only one who thinks he looks like a prizefighter who's gone one round too many? I gotta ask because no one's giving up the details. If it's a medical condition, no harm no foul I'm not hatin'. But I can't ignore it!

Sixth, I saw Seth Green a few weeks ago strolling with a lady. He's a little thing! Lincoln Center and that whole area must be where a lot of stars live (That's where I spotted Taye Diggs, below coming from the Subway). The size of Seth's teeth jumped out at me as I passed him by. It's a lot for one mouth! (What's the deal with my dental preoccupation today?)

Seventh, I tried recording my tape into mp3, but it wouldn't play back! I recorded using the MUSICMATCH Jukebox included with the computer software, and tried to play it back on Windows Media Player--nothin'. Yet I can't seem to record on Windows Media. And really, how much do I want to try again until I get it right? Not really much. Because here's what will happen--I'll get me online, singing like a moron, and next thing I know, I'll be in every geek chat room and office email system as the next "Star Wars Kid", anybody heard of him? Em-BARASSING.

Eighth, I think my Church-Goer is broken. I can't get to church, no matter how much I want to. Sunday rolls around and all I want to do is stay in the bed or play. Then when I do go out, to stroll in Central Park or go to the gym, or visit Riverside Drive parks, or get pastries on Broadway, it feels like I'm clinging to the last shreads of freedom I'll ever have before the weekdays come and consume my life. Going to church feels restrictive now and dutiful, and I feel that I do that enough Mon-Fri and early Saturdays when I have to finish up my paperwork for mail it off to the PA home office.

Ninth, But I do want to go back to church. And I want to stop wanting things. I want to be content and feel satified with my choices. I want to stop thinking that I'm not done. I want to be done.

Tenth, Here comes Forty.

Eleventh, My cousin and I went out for dinner a couple of weeks back (the 64 yrs-old one, who looks my age). He gave me the impression that my family are thugs. Well, he certainly was one, freely admitted to running a storefront back in the day that dispensed drugs like Skittles. And I do remember seeing a few of my adult cousins with their child smoking weed on the sidewalk during one holiday gathering. Huddled around the joint like it was fire on a cold day. Real nice, folks! I was all of what, sixteen? And their child was younger than me. Blehhhhh. Why am I chasing them down so?

Twelfth, I'm remembering crap about my childhood that is painting a not so nice picture and possible origins of some of my problems. Problems I haven't really been honest about here on my blog. Stuff I actually don't want to tell anyone about, ever, period. Maybe. Sorry folks. :=)

Thirteen, I'll try to blog more often. Thanks Saidy for your groovy blog! I didn't know David Boreanaz was the vid star of Dido's song! Oddly each time I surf the music channels I never see any songs I like. But how many times have I seen Maroon 5?? Come ON.

Me at 7/13/2004 10:17:00 AM